Challenges

I remember back to my childhood when something wasn't going my way. I would say, "it isn't fair!" And, my mom would day that, "life isn't fair."

Challenges. Life is full of challenges. Some are big, others are small. Some I have the answers for, others I don't. Some I fly through, others bring me to my knees.

Right now, life seems full of challenges. I'm a busy mom, with lots of responsibilities, commitments and activities. God is growing me and stretching me. He's using these challenges to mold me into the woman He has planned for me. I trust Him, but it's hard. My days are filled with household management, mothering, conversation, games with children, cooking, baking, laundry, cleaning, classes, studying, sweeping, mopping, eating, diapering, errands, shopping, and sleeping somewhere amidst the rest. That's a busy day! And lately, there's been more. Jacob is going through a phase. Emma is adjusting to kindergarten. A close friend is moving. Another is awaiting word on a possible move. A friend and mentor is dealing with a health situation. Moms are struggling and facing challenges themselves. Right now, it feels like a lot.

I'm not the only one who faces challenges, although mine are unique to me. The man driving next to me on the highway, the mom sitting next to me at MOPS, the lady that catches my eye at Bible study and the teen behind me in line at the grocery store...they are all facing challenges unique to them. We're different and we're the same.

So, I keep my faith secure in my God. I confide in close friends and relish in their kindness. Challenges will continue, it's part of life. But I move forward knowing that I am not alone, God has a plan for me and althought challenges may continue, I am blessed.

Bittersweet

Those of you that know me well know that I am of the sentimental sort. When I choose a greeting card I read carefully through the choices, careful to choose one that speaks specifically to the person, relationship or situation. When I write in the card I speak straight from the heart and intend to make a true impact. I take photos every chance I get so as not to forget a single moment. I cried when I got rid of Emma's baby clothes, I cried at my childrens first steps and the first time they said I Love You. See? I'm a little sentimental.

Being of the sentimental sort, tomorrow (and today) is a bittersweet day for me. Tomorrow, Friday September 10, 2010, my first born baby starts kindergarten. As a mom I want my baby to grow up, be confident and strong, self sufficient, sensitive, caring and kind, social and outgoing, faithful and loving...among so many other things! But at the same time I want to hold my baby, young and small, soft and sweet, sleeping and peaceful...forever. Kindergarten is a milestone, for me, Tim and Emma. It means my baby is growing up, she's becoming independent and she's spreading her wings.

Emma wants to ride the bus and, though I never said she could, assumed that's what kindergarteners do. I don't think I rode the bus until I was in 9th grade! I naturally planned to take Emma to school, to bake cookies while she was gone and to pick her up and bring her home. This is what my mom did. I remember this fondly and wanted to do the same for my babies. Emma is feeling bold and adventurous. I have to let her ride the bus as not to let my fears and hesitation effect her. I'm a little nervous to entrust her to someone I don't know, someone I've never met. I mean, I've met her teacher twice already but I've never met her bus drivers, the ones entrusted to get her safely to and from school! Okay, deep breath, chill out...

Tommorrow is a milestone and it's bittersweet.

To Reminisce

I'm thinking back 5 years. Sometimes 5 years seems like a really long time, but right now it seems like it was just yesterday. What was I doing at this moment in 2005? I was probably trying to calm a restless, crying baby. Or maybe I was moving ever so slowly, gently trying to place her in her bed without waking her. The "her" I speak of is Emma, our first born, beautiful baby girl.

5 years ago was just the beginning of our journey as parents and was just the beginning of our family. I couldn't imagine what life had in store for us or how our life would change. I couldn't imagine who this little baby girl would turn out to be, who she would look like, what her personality would be, her likes and dislikes. I was ever consumed by the newness of being a mom and terrified that I wouldn't know what to do.

Things haven't changed too much. I don't spend much time calming a restless, crying little girl and Emma goes to bed well, no longer needing the persistent rocking and bouncing. I know now how our life has changed and understand that it will continue to change even more. I see resemblances of myself and Tim in her and still wonder who she'll look like as she grows. Emma's personality develops more each day and I know she loves macaroni and cheese, rainbows, kitties and butterflies. She doesn't like spiders, being woken up in the morning or having her hair brushed. I'm still consumed by being a mom but I know now what to do, and if I don't know, I have lots of people to ask and a God that provides.

So, the here and now is 5 years later. Emma recently celebrated her 5th birthday and will be starting kindergarten on Friday. This is a big week for our family! I'm really excited for Emma and a little hesitant about how I will feel on Friday when my baby girl goes off to kindergarten. She wants to ride the bus and I really don't want her to. But, I also want her to be strong and confident. Part of that is not impressing my fears and concerns upon her. I guess we'll both be growing through this experience.

5 years from now I'll look back on this week. I'll probably remember it like it was yesterday. I'll consider all the ways our family has changed and appreciate all the ways we have stayed the same. I think Emma will be considered a "tween" by then, and we'll be deal with a whole different reality. But my baby will always be my baby and I'll always make the time to reminisce.